The World According to
Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton
By J. Lowe
In order to understand Hillary's viewpoint, one must also understand her
Nemesis, Rush Limbaugh:
Affluence --
Hillary: Something only rich people in this country enjoy.
Rush: Something all Americans making over $30,000 are now said to have.
Algorithm --
Hillary: A method for computing deficit reduction.
Rush: The periodic recurrence of a new wave of environmental regulations
pro posed by Al Gore.
Audit --
Hillary: A means to ensure fairness and to verify deductions.
Rush: The highest cause of anxiety, followed by divorce and a death in
the family.
Baby --
Hillary: A helpless victim of poverty, injustice, and inadequate care.
Rush: A four letter word denoting a "cute," often illegitimate
debtor which costs taxpayers over $100,000, and which also cause air pollution
by requiring frequent trips to daycare centers, hospitals, and later to toy
stores for Nintendo games.
Bank --
Hillary: A repository of Federal Reserve notes used to finance free
enterprise.
Rush: An institution which processes government checks for immediate
transfer of wealth to the homeless, jobless, and lazy.
Bankruptcy --
Hillary: A misfortune caused by inadequate planning and oversight.
Rush: What happens to businesses which do not meet new environmental
standards.
Big Business --
Hillary: Polluter of the planet.
Rush: Employer of the people.
Bill --
Hillary: Husband.
Rush: Any giveaway program proposed by Congress which does nothing to
decrease the Deficit.
Camelot --
Hillary: A magical utopia without pollution, prejudice, or inequity.
Rush: A mythical nirvana where the torch hasn't been passed, the Clintons
haven't dropped it, and we won't soon be going up in flames.
Capital Punishment --
Hillary: Cruel and unusual punishment.
Rush: A rare and controversial law which, if enforced quickly, might save
millions of tax dollars while disposing of criminals before they get to see the
TV movies based on their crimes.
Catch 22 --
Hillary: Whatever the projected budget for a government program is, the
Republicans will always oppose it.
Rush: Whatever the projected budget for a government program is, the
actual cost is at least triple.
Celebrity --
Hillary: Anyone who supports our causes, or visits us on vacation.
Rush: Anyone who makes at least $50,000 a week and supports Democrats.
Children --
Hillary: Our hope for the future.
Rush: Our hope - God help us - for the future.
Civics --
Hillary: The study of the processes of government and their relationships
to citizens.
Rush: The study of disorganization and fiscal chaos.
Civilization --
Hillary: The Great Society.
Rush: A group of polite people with a purpose, as during Ronald Reagan's
administration. . . and ending when Bush said "read my lips."
Class Envy --
Hillary: A mis-labeled desire for fairness and equality of compensation.
Rush: Envy which occurs in people who don't have any class.
Communist --
Hillary: A member of the former USSR ruling party.
Rush: Any socialist with a gun.
Condoms --
Hillary: Life preservers.
Rush: Sex toys subsidized by taxpayers for grade school students.
Congress --
Hillary: A legislative body for debate, consensus, and action on the
concerns of the American people.
Rush: A private club for liberal lawyers.
Conservative --
Hillary: A near-sighted advocate of the status quo.
Rush: A person with 20/20 vision often prescribed corrective lenses.
Deficit Spending --
Hillary: Spending more than current available revenues.
Rush: The buying of people's votes with money they haven't yet earned.
Democrat --
Hillary: A true American. . . a citizen in a collective democracy.
Rush: Someone who's afraid you have more than him.
Dependents --
Hillary: Children, parents, the sick or the elderly.
Rush: All citizens of the State.
Divorce --
Hillary: Unfortunately, a lawyer's bread and butter.
Rush: When heated, a lawyer's toast and jam.
Downsize --
Hillary: To take advantage of poor, disadvantaged employees in order to
make more profit.
Rush: To turn asses into ashes by firing them.
Earth Day --
Hillary: A day to remember that we all share the same planet, and that we
must protect it together against all abuses.
Rush: A day set aside by leftist radicals to contemplate the evils of
Capitalism, and to plan strategies against it.
Endangered Species --
Hillary: Any of a thousand species on the edge of extinction.
Rush: The dwindling upper class.
Entitlements --
Hillary: Birthrights.
Rush: Embezzlements.
Environmentalist --
Hillary: A believer in the future for our children.
Rush: An atheist who believes man is: A) Filthy, B) Guilty, and C) God.
Feminist --
Hillary: A believer in the rights of women to be independent and equal.
Rush: An abnormal woman who sues men for everything, including penis
envy.
(Click here to continue!)
Books about Hillary Clinton
|
